Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
