Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
