the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
