Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
