U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
