God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
