Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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