he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
