Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
