he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize