remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
