wrigley field is MILF paradise
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
