I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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