Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
