Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
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Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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