I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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