you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize