2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
