its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
