the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
