I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
