i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
