Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
