The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
