dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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