that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
