What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
