Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
