i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
