I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
