probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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