the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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