I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
