My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
