Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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