there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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