just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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