Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wish they made helmets for livers.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
