two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My vagina just recognized that song.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
