maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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