just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
