Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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