Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
