so explain again why im purple
no
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
