oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
someone owes me an orgasm
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
