How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
