I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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