You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
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You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
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We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow