How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
