last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
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Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.