They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.