YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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