took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
