dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
