Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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