i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
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thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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