The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
