I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the day after is always just damage control
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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