You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
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the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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