I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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