so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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