was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
