"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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